Back by popular demand (No, Really…..)
 
GAME 1 Final - KINGS AND QUEENS alot, MEATBALLERS not alot
 
Not much to say here. The Meatballers simply stunk like old meatballs. They lost to this large bunch of rednecks in every way possible. Steven even tried to bean a few guys. On a positive note, Im fairly certain one of Pat Zinn’s testes flopped out while running down another fly ball.
 
GAME 2 Final - MEATBALLERS 13, DEKALB OFFICE 12
 
While the Meatballers reverted to some of their old ways here (blowing a 4 run lead in the last inning via walks, errors, and pants-crapping), a new Meatballer tradition may have been formed. Trailing 12-11 in the final inning of this extravagant fiasco, the Meatballers decided enough was enough. Steven “I tried to bend over” Christensen singled in Crackhead Kovacik late in the inning to tie up the score. Then, a funny thing happened. BJ “Wet Farts” Kovacik came up to the plate. After swinging at one of the worst pitches in APRD Monday Night CO-ED D Softball league history (may go down as the “Swing” of ‘09), most hope was lost. However, Kovacik suprised everyone on the next swing and bounced a grounder past the second baseman for the game winning RBI. These Meatballers are a resilient bunch, albeit not a very attractive one. They evened their record at 2-2 going into the middle of the season.
 

With a healthy squad of players numbering 8, the Meatballers took the field in the grueling cold last night. Pat “Red” Zinn and Erica Dougherty did their damndest to man the outfield shorthanded, but quite frankly - it just wasnt enough. Steven ” I hate home plate” Christensen was having control issues, and the rest of the Meatballer squad was having their normal defense issues (lack of any athletic ability.) This lead to Exide opening up a commanding 15-3 lead on the undermanned Meatballers. But a Meatballer never gives up. The squad battled back with 5 unanswered runs but the time was too late, and they fell 15-8.

Special mention goes out to Crackhead for striking out two times in a row, and to Marc for popping up twice in one game. Great job!

It should also be noted that Shannon likes balls going between her legs.

See you next week.

All,

This will be a weekly occurrence for the Spring ‘09 season. Check back for updates.

A recap has been requested by team assistant to the assistant captain B.J. Respess-Kovacik.
 
Here is the recap: After exhibiting the stellar defensive prowess that had other teams “making” in their tighty-whities last season, the Meatballers started off the season in typical fashion, opening up an 8-2 deficit to a particularly stinky “Ista” squad. I mean - these “Ista” players couldnt hit the broad side of a barn.
 
The Meatballers seemed determined to start off their 3rd season in fantastically piss-poor fashion, when Steven “Dont make me bend over” Christensen couldnt quite get to a sharply (barely) hit groundball at his feet and walked 12-14 people in the first 2/3 of an inning. This was followed by stellar non-defensive efforts by the rest of the squad. A spectator was quoted as saying “I think I just sharted” (Spectator identity not revealed for security reasons.)
 
These efforts continued into the 3rd inning, when Shannon “Double Play Inducing” Harcourt and Marc “Cant get the ball off the ground” Russo grounded directly to the opposing shortstop for a couple quick outs. It all seemed to be going downhill, until Steven “My back doesnt bend that far” Christensen discovered his late-breaking slider. “Ista” players were baffled. They simply could not figure Christensen out. It was like the second coming of Dennis “Oil Can” Boyd. Christensen struck out at least 15 batters the rest of the evening, and the Meatballers sticks got going.
 
With the Meatballers clinging to a 10-8 lead and needing to waste 6 minutes at the end of the game - Pafamel “Red” Zinn did something noone had ever seen before. He didnt swing. This could be the start of something great for these 3rd generation Meatballers…..
 
Further updates to come.
 
NOTE: Lauren “Dont call me Mel Gibson” Cheadle-Tolly-Johnston was traded back to the Meatballers when she failed a physical with the Japanese co-ed D Wednesday Night Saki-League doctors. Details were not available at this time. She is scheduled to be back in uniform next week.

Spring 2009 schedule is posted under the link to the right.

All,

Spring ‘09 Meatballers - Season 3 is upon us.

{Note - Meatballer management is currently in negotiations with a major network on a 7-8 episode miniseries chronicling the trials and tribulations of the ‘09 Meatballer squad (Johnston not included)}.

Chief ARPD Softball Monday Evening Co-ed D Analyst Bucky Waldoberg has officially released his spring predictions, and had the following to say about the Meatballers current squad:

” They’re not very good.”

” That shortstop is actually short.”

” The lanky red-headed kid would swing at a peanut if the pitcher threw it.”

” Is the third baseman talking to he opposing base coach again?”

” What’s the deal with all the beards? Fat bastards.”

” They got an asian?”

” Who’s that new kid, Respess-Kovacik? She’s got a hell of an eye and can really pull the ball to left.”

Waldoberg has the over/under on Meatballer wins this season at 3. Im taking the over. Anyone else?

Here they are, as voted on by your peers:

Gold Glove - Meatball

Female Triple Crown - Shannon

Male Triple Crown - B-Mo

Player most likely to fill in for Don Cheadle in Oceans 14 - LJ (By a landslide)

The “My Shirt is too tight for my enormous man-boobs” Fall ‘08 award  - TIE Pat Zinn and Steven Christensen. Congrats!

“My Pants are too tight for my largely round rear-end” Fall ‘08 Award - Shannon (Again.)

See you next season.

Final Stats and Results pages updated. Good season guys. Ill be in touch about next season which starts in late February.

Updated all of this. We should definitely have more than 2 wins…..all of our games except for one have been close. We have a doubleheader next week to close the season until spring, so lets try and increase our win total.

What the hell happened people? From the looks of it, we can score some runs, but we definitely regressed defensively. We arent good enough to give teams 5 to 12 outs per inning, we need to keep them to 3. Lets all work on this, we are doing better at the plate.

Go Meatballers.

Stats, Standings, Results updated.