POO DRAFT 2009 1st Round

ANALYSIS BY Oscar Rainbow

1st Round

1. Detroit - Pee Pee Harlenson. Five-tool pooer: can poo solids; liquids; solid-liquids, can poo standing up and is an excellent wiper. Should be cornerstone of the Detroit franchise for the next decade.
2. St. Louis (from Denver) - Poo Rocks Martin. Can poo on command; only pooer in the draft that can make that claim.
3. Ottawa - Charlie Teeth. First high schooler taken. Grandson of Ned Teeth, the first pooer on the moon to poo on the moon (”Moon Poo”, LA Times, October 3, 1968).
4. Sacramento - Compelio. Set an NCAA Division 1 record by wiping for 34 consecutive days.
5. Rhode Island/Delaware - D. Devito. Some had him going No. 1 overall, but fell to No. 5 after his infamous Poo Tape surfaced on the internet. Capable of pooing 4-5 times/hour.
6. Liverpool - Floofen. Pooed an 22-incher (July, 2006).
7. Klunk County - Poopy Shields. Second high schooler taken. Aggressive pooer who refuses to flush until the job is done.
8. Montana - Uggbie Ugboo. Corn pieces found in early-June poo didn’t scare away a Montana team that traditionally drafts chunky pooers.
9. Harrisburg - Poo Torkowsky. Outstanding projectile pooer. Holds Lanston College record with 15-incher (May, 2005). A steal at No. 9.
10. New Jersey - Nenning. First foreign-born pooer drafted.
11. Ottawa - Rock Poo Leonard. Will add smell to an already imposing front line that includes Baby Poo Sanderson and R. Macchio.
12. Salt Lake City - Wee Wee Franklin. Top clothed-pooer in the draft.
13. Atlanta - Tinkle Johnson. Founder of charity Poo in a Shoe. Consistent, 10-inch-type pooer with tons of upside and greenish-orange tendencies.
14. Toronto - Blaine Yarborough. Wipeability was a concern so he fell to the end of the first round. Could be a steal for a Toronto team rebuilding after the Plunger Shortage of 2008.

 

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